Favorite Music of 2007

Since Jay apparently has no desire to ever post here, for your reading pleasure, my favorite music of 2007. Albums first, in no particular order:

Radiohead - In Rainbows
Put it up there with The Bends, the new Radiohead album is amazing, an intimate and downright warm record. The climax of "All I Need" makes the hair on the back of your neck stand up; "Nude" is just an incredibly beautiful song; the syncopated percussion of "Reckoner" is genius. They made headlines when they released the album without a major label, potentially changing the entire future of the popular music industry, and the music itself is worthy of that iconoclastic position.

Mark Ronson - Version
Probably the album I’ve played the most consistently throughout the year, a fun covers record that's all killer no filler. My favorites are the fantabulous Lily Allen taking on the Kaiser Chiefs’ "Oh My God" with a laid-back (stoned?) pseudo-reggae vibe, and Kenna putting a whole lot of soul into Ryan Adams’s "Amy". But every track is strong, choose your own favorites.

Jay-Z - American Gangster
Ah, there we go. Rap record of the year, and so good you can forgive Hova for Kingdom Come. I always knew you had it in you, Jigga!

Bat For Lashes - Fur And Gold
I still can’t decide if I’m more afraid of or more attracted to Natasha Khan, but who else can rock a harpsichord so well? The Donnie Darko meets X-Games video for "What’s A Girl To Do?" is amazing – but I still haven’t figured out what a "bat lightning heart" is. The groove in "Sarah" is gleefully evil, and goddam I miss women with posh English accents.

The White Stripes - Icky Thump
Jack White stopped being oppressively pretentious, and Meg White stopped being complete crap on the drums – a win for progress. The smiles almost ooze out of your speakers, you can tell how much fun they had making this record. "You Don’t Know What Love Is (You Just Do As You're Told)" takes the title as my favorite White Stripes song – ok, ok, that long song title is pretty durn pretentious.

Amy Winehouse - Back To Black
Everyone’s favorite massively tattooed, drug-addled Jewess from East London makes the soul record of the decade. My people, represent!! Lost in the tabloid insanity of her Wino troubles are her amazing songwriting abilities – if she’s smoked and snorted that talent away it will be a tragic loss for all of us, no joke. The lead track "Rehab" got all the attention, but give a listen to "You Know I’m No Good", "Me & Mr. Jones" (what kind of fuckery is this?!), "Love Is A Losing Game", and especially "Tears Dry On Their Own" – phenomenal lyrics, all.

Sigur Rós - Hvarf-Heim
The most creative and inspiring band in my universe returned with this double album (Hvarf consists of previously unreleased tracks, while Heim has live recordings of old favorites), and a fantastic tour documentary film, Heima. Some folks have to take a pill to feel happy – I just put some Sigur Rós on my stereo.

CSS - Cansei de Ser Sexy
I tried to turn you on to these Brazilian misfits long before Apple censored them in that ipod touch ad, but you wouldn’t listen. Lovefoxxx’s lyric in "Let’s Make Love And Listen To Death From Above" is the sexiest foreign pronunciation of "love" since Nina Persson in The Cardigans’ "Lovefool". Yes, I keep track of these things.

Wilco – Sky Blue Sky
The sound of Jeff Tweedy almost content with adulthood and pseudo-celebrity. And maybe a bit of an apology and love letter to his family for his troubles of the last few years. The music is happy and relaxed, and he’s still by far the greatest songwriter of this generation. The Dude would love this record.

Feist – The Reminder
Another Commonwealth chanteuse representing my people, another artist I tried to turn you on to before Apple sunk their ievil claws into her. Leslie Feist is that goofy, nerdy girl you always ignored – and she didn’t care because she was happy and entertained in her own strange, little world. Now she’s letting you hang out on her home turf for a little while. And the video for "1234" looks so much better on a normal-sized TV screen, not the stupid little fat nano, for fuck’s sake.

Rilo Kiley – Under The Blacklight
I wrestled with including this one because of all the Rilo Kiley-Fleetwood Mac comparisons – that’s how much I hate Fleetwood Mac. But I do understand why people make that connection with this most Los Angeles of a record. It’s sunny and sleazy at the same time, but where the Mac were about coked-out key party orgies in Laurel Canyon, Jenny Lewis is belting out songs set in the strip clubs and porn studios of the San Fernando Valley. Dashed hopes and dreams, but ultimately redemption, in Hell A.

Still with me? Onward to my favorite songs of Twenty O’Seven, still in no particular order because that’s too MBA for this Ph.D.:

M.I.A. – "Paper Planes"
Her album Kala is everyone else’s consensus record of the year, but I haven’t listened to the whole record very much – just this one completely amazing track.

LCD Soundsystem – "North American Scum"
Blasting this single off of Sound Of Silver while careening through Charlotte at 95 miles per hour on Interstate 85 made Charlotte not only bearable for five minutes, but kind of fun.

Paramore – "Misery Business"
The kids from Tennessee bring the guitar riff of the year – and Hayley Williams, damn what a wail! Still haven’t managed to bring myself to listen to the rest of their record, Riot, though.

Manchester Orchestra – "Wolves At Night"
The Atlanta scene is starting to blow up, I’ve been telling you for years now this is coming, people! That organ is just sinister.

Justice – "D.A.N.C.E."
Apparently they’re not trying to be ironic, but if there’s any place to enjoy cheese, it would be France. Great music video as well. "Do the D-A-N-C-E. Stick to the B-E-A-T!!"

Bright Eyes – "Four Winds"
Americana has never been so political, and it’s been a while since I enjoyed a song with a fiddle in it. Conor Oberst should be the face of country music, not Brad Fucking Paisley or Toby Fucking Keith.

UNKLE Featuring The Duke Spirit – "May Day"
The soundtrack to hot, sweaty, raunchy bedroom action. The Duke Spirit’s Liela Moss has a powerful, phenomenal voice.

Queens Of The Stone Age – "Make It Wit Chu"
Staying with the sexy thing for a moment, Josh Homme and his crew unleash a slow-burning, steamy little track off of the overall disappointing Era Vulgaris. Put this on the stereo, and clothes will be flying off. Did anyone else see their kind of surreal appearance on the No Reservations Holiday Special, or has my Scotch been spiked with bad acid?

The Go! Team – "Keys To The City"
The kooky, genre-defying English collective return with this standout track off of Proof Of Youth. Like if perky cheerleaders did parkour instead of, well, cheerleading.

Elvis Perkins – "While You Were Sleeping"
The lead track off of the haunting and beautiful Ash Wednesday, a lovely elegy for his mother.

Sigur Rós – "Hljómalind"
One of the previously unreleased tracks on Hvarf, it explodes out of your speakers and soars away. And the high-hat sounds so good.

Kelly Willis – "The More That I’m Around You"
It continues to frustrate me that most people have never heard of Kelly Willis. Just a happy little rocking country song about falling in love, with a great melody and a cool end riff.

Band Of Horses – "Is There A Ghost?"
The lead track off of the lovely Cease To Begin starts off slow, but builds to a killer pounding climax. And despite its seemingly random song title (maybe they’re Pacers fans?), "Detlef Schrempf" is a sweet, mellow track worth a listen as well.

Arcade Fire – "Intervention"
Pretty much the only track off of Neon Bible that I really liked (well, I kind of dig "The Well And The Lighthouse" too, Régine Chassagne’s cooing backup vocals just get me), the one song where their worship of all things Springsteen does the man right. A pipe organ dominating a rock song, too cool.

Ryan Adams – "Two Hearts"
He’s completely friggin’ mental, but he can write some fine rock tunes. As always from the prolific songwriter, there are many to choose from this year, this one’s my favorite off of Easy Tiger. And don't miss the blasphemous but very entertaining cover of Alice In Chains' "Down In A Hole" on his Follow The Lights EP.

Noisettes – "Scratch Your Name"
Lead singer Shingai Shoniwa’s voice is an absolute force of nature, that’s all there is to say.

Spoon - "You Got Yr Cherry Bomb"
This Austin band is beyond overrated, but I can’t get this song out of my head. And it makes me think of the very 90s Boston band Morphine.

Ulrich Schnauss – "Never Be The Same"
Waves and waves of sonic sunshine from the downbeat DJ. This track is a great one to wake up to.

Cat Power – "Stuck Inside Of Mobile With The Memphis Blues Again"
The most fabulous Dylan cover on a record chock full of fabulous Dylan covers, the I’m Not There soundtrack. Could there be a track more fitting for her Memphis Rhythm Band? I’m very much looking forward to Jukebox in a few weeks.

VHS Or Beta – "Can’t Believe A Single Word"
Mediocre rock band, fantastic rock song. The 80s nostalgia cheese thing is dragging you down, fellas!

Kings Of Leon – "On Call"
My ring tone for the very rare times my cell phone isn’t on vibrate. Otherwise, Because Of The Times was a disappointing, forgettable record.

Wilco – "The Thanks I Get"
A B-side off of Sky Blue Sky - also found on the deluxe Tour Edition extra disk which I like to call Blue Sky Blue - you may have heard it in the Volkswagen commercial where the tow truck guy moves the Golf out of the tow-away zone. Selling out never sounded like so much fun. Sing with me now, people, "We can make it better!"

How's that sentiment to end 2007 and roll on in to 2008? I'm looking forward to everything this next year will bring, I hope you are too.

New Vegas show reviews

On my other blog - the one I haven't been doting on like Cinderella's step-sister - I've just posted new reviews of two shows on the Las Vegas Strip:

• Le Rêve at Wynn Las Vegas
• Wayne Brady - Making %@it Up at the Venetian

Check it out over at Best of Las Vegas.

Coming back to life?

Perhaps a more user-friendly blogging platform and a more slimmed-down mission statement will enable me to actually keep writing on Swina. It's been a long time since I've bad a real outlet for my writing, in spite of doing it constantly.

Welcome to Swina on Blogger. I'm still trying to figure out the system but once I do I'll start backfilling with articles from the old site.

Goose and Fenster pick the Senate

Each of us predicts a +4 Democrat gain in the Senate.
Goose predicts +23 Dem in the House, Fenster picks +28.

• Arizona: both pick Kyl (R) over Pederson (D)
  
• Maryland: Goose picks Steele (R), Fenster picks Cardin (D)
  
• Michigan: both pick Stabenow (D) over Bouchard (R)
  
• Minnesota: Both pick Klobuchar (D) over Kennedy (R)
  
• Missouri: Goose picks McCaskill (D), Fenster picks Talent (R)
  
• Montana: Goose picks Tester (D), Fenster picks Burns (R)
  
• New Jersey: both pick Menendez (D) over Kean (R)
  
• Ohio: both pick Brown (D) over DeWine (R)
  
• Pennsylvania: both pick Casey (D) over Santorum (R)
  
• Rhode Island: Goose picks Chafee (R), Fenster picks Whitehouse (D)
  
• Tennessee: both pick Corker (R) over Ford (D)
  
• Virginia: both pick Webb (D) over Allen (R)
  
• Washington: both pick Cantwell (D) over McGavick (R)
  

Doogie Howser, man arouser?

So, Neil Patrick Harris comes out of the closet and announces with a flamboyant flourish that he is "a very content gay man living my life to the fullest."

Good for you, Doogie. First Lance Bass, now NPH. Could it be we're witnessing a culture shift where more and more celebrities are willing to put their prestige on the line and admit to the world who they are? It'll be a watershed moment when nobody feels the need to stay in the closet anymore.

Although I have to say, this paints his performance in Harold & Kumar Go to White Castlein a whole new light.

NPH wouldn't do that!

Oh wait, I guess he would.

Would you like to know more?

So Vinnie Delpino grows up to be a mobster and Doogie grows up to be a poofter.

What a mad, mad, mad, mad, mad world.

Coming soon, maybe: a new Swina?

So I've come to the conclusion that this website has turned to crap. Not just because of my neglect as a webmaster and blogger but because the content management system on which it's built is held together with pony spit and wishes.

Some time ago I mentioned a new Swina offshoot, and it's currently up and running but a work in progress.

It's Open Road's Best of Las Vegas Blog, the online companion to the travek guide I'm co-authoring with gambling expert Avery Cardoza.

On the Best of Las Vegas blog, you'll find bonus reviews, updates, and information on casino promotions and all the other juicy Las Vegas gossip that my editor would have nixed out of the print edition. He did however let my dead hooker buried in the desert joke slide through.

Viva Las Vegas.

So this brings me back to Swina...

At the suggestion of Jathan, I implemented WordPress as the CMS behind the new blog, and so far I love it. I haven't started adding on the plugins or customizing the look and feel the way I want it, but so far it's a simple system and a joy to work with.

Once I get the BOLV Blog up and running, I will evaluate whether I can in turn rebuild Swina.com using that as the engine for the site. I've already got headaches aplenty with just the idea of the migration, but it's better than this piece of crap.

On the Foley scandal, aka Masturgate...

I had a whole big long enraged post written up about the failure of leadership in the Republican party through this cover-up, and how this scandal has legs because while Americans don't grasp the nuances of Jack Abramoff and are tuning out Iraq, but everyone knows what underage boy-fucking is, and unless you're Debra LaFave, there really isn't any way to put a pretty face on it.

...but this damn faltering piece of shit content management system pretty much ate it.

So instead I leave you with a joke.

Q. Why don't Republican congressmen use bookmarks?

A. They just bend over the pages.

Donut holes.

If it's good enough for indigent senior citizens and flipper people, I suppose it's good enough for me?

So at the ol' jobby job today they revealed to us our benefit plan for 2007, and the biggest surprise was the fact that our health insurance offerings no longer include HMOs or PPOs but instead are Medicare Part D style donut-hole coverage.

For those of you not familiar with the bloated fiasco of a scandal that is Medicare Part D, here's how it works.

Medicare pays 75% of the cost of seniors' drugs for the first $2250 after a $250 deductible. Then, at $2500, coverage stops entirely.

Medicare doesn't pay a red cent of the next $2600, meaning that seniors have to pay 100% of their drug costs out of pocket. After the $5100 mark, coverage resumes at a higher rate.

That's pretty much how our 2007 coverage works, and this seems to be the trend in health insurance.

Basically, there's three different tiers of coverage, ranging from $9 to $50 a week. And basically you have to guesstimate the amount of money that you're going to spend on medical expenses the next year.

The only people for whom this kind of scheme would work are those with predictable chronic illnesses.

If you're healthy, one of two things can happen. Either you can guess too low and get slammed with a catastrophic illness or accident that slams you with your entire donut hole at once (and then makes you pay a stiff percentage of the subsequent coverage), tough luck, too bad, you lose. Or you guess too high, stay healthy, and the bastards at the health insurance company make money on your sorry overinsured ass.

This is just yet another degradation in the state of managed healthcare in this country. Exactly how bad do things need to get before the government stops letting patients be victimized by an avaricious and cruel industry where dishonesty, willful ignorance and exploitation are the standard operating procedure?

I know right-wingers like to claim that universal health coverage will lead to Soviet style bread lines, but really, let's get real for a second. Let's, for the sake of argument, grant the wingers their worst fear: the dreaded LINE. (Because god forbid, if you actually make healthcare accessible, people might want to use it.)

I wait 45 minutes to an hour past the time of my appointment to see my doctor anyway. Waiting is not the worst thing in the world.

Staying sick because you can't afford to get well is worse - for patients, for their employers due to lost productivity, and due to everybody who eventually winds up footing the bill when their conditions make medical treatment inevitable.

Going broke because you failed to anticipate that you'd be paralyzed or get cancer is worse. And the problem's not just with uninsured. Health insurance companies are so pigfuckingly merciless about denying claims that even being insured is no insurance. The fact is, health insurance companies have every financial incentive to deny and deny and deny claims as long as humanly possible, and the current regulatory environment allows them to do just that.

If you like watching your health coverage turn to shit, vote Republican this November.

My Las Vegas Hate List - the first in a continuing series

Las Vegas is a misanthrope's wet dream. This city provides some of the world's most fascinating people-watching, as people from all over the world descend upon Sin City to lose themselves, or find themselves.

But my god, some of them are so fucking stupid I want to push them in front of traffic.

Tourists ... residents ... everybody. Nincompoops. The closest thing we have to an ivory tower is the Stratosphere Tower. And while it offers Dean Martinis in its lounge, you won't find any other kind of dean.

I shouldn't complain though. This city wouldn't exist at all if anyone in America knew anything about math.

This is the first in a series in which I will document the stupidity of man, as a public service to the three of you who aren't total morons.

Today's topic: Elevator Idiots.

How is it possible that people's IQ drops on elevators faster than the elevators themselves? Every single day I witness somebody completely in his or her own little world, failing to pay attention to anything that happens in an elevator. It's like a stupid shaft.

My office is on the mezzanine level of our hotel - right above the casino floor. There are 11 floors of guestrooms above the mezzanine, plus the pool and spa.

Every single day, at least once and sometimes twice, I try to take the elevator down to the casino level, and someone coming down from upstairs tries to get off on my floor. Even though the CASINO button on the elevator is clearly still lit up! I usually say something like "Next floor," to which I get the blankest stares this side of Terri Schiavo. I usually have to explain in greater detail, "The casino is one more floor down" before they get it.

One time I saw somebody get out of the downbound elevator on the mezzanine level and then immediately turn around and get into an upbound elevator without so much as looking at it. For all I know the guy did that all day. Up and down.

Then this morning, I got on the elevator in the parking deck on the 7th floor. Someone had parked on the roof (which is employee only) and was already in the elevator. He asked me if this was the casino level. Looking right at me and the sign behind me reading CASINO ACCESS LEVEL 1 ONLY.

Then a couple got on the elevator at level 4. Finally we got down to the casino level and the oblivious roof-parking numbnuts got off, and I started to get off, but I noticed the couple staying on. I told them "This is the casino level." They said, "Oh, we're not going to this casino." They were going to the casino next door.

So they decided to stay on the elevator.

Because they wanted to go next door.

Let me repeat that, because I did a double take when I witnessed it.

They decided to stay on the elevator because they wanted to go next door.

I practically lost my shit and had to actually make an effort to avoid raising my voice as I gave them directions to their casino of choice.

So do the world a favor. The next time you get on an elevator, don't zone out. Don't start contemplating your belly button lint just yet. Please just focus on the little digital number on the display. When it matches the number on the button you pushed, get off.

Thank you.

Bad Blogger. Good Vegas.

I am the worst blogger ever.

I know I've been neglecting the place. It's been, what, five months since I last posted? Life, as it has a tendency to do so, throws shit in your face quite frequently.

Well, I'm back, refreshed, resurgent and ready for what's next.

Now that my next travel guide is in the bag (Open Road's Best of Las Vegas), I will actually have time to devote to my blog again.

Kind of a lot's happened with me in the recent months. Read on below the jump, if you care about my life update.

The big news is that I've moved to Las Vegas. This was spurred in part by me being laid off from my former employer, Meridian KSI, in February. I'd been busting my ass for them for 4 years, and then two weeks after writing a press release touting our "record sales" and "double digit profits" they shitcanned me and three other people.

I spent a very depressing 3 1/2 months looking for work, mostly in Northern Virginia, but for some positions out here in Las Vegas. Finally, as my money's about to run out, I get an offer for a copywriter job at GTSI, a beltway bandit IT solutions provider. Depressing work, but great pay and hey, it's a job. Of course, right as we're deep into the interview process I get a phone call from one of the world's largest casino companies, wanting to interview me for a copywriter position. So I flew out to Vegas, met with a couple of people, and had a job offer waiting for me the next day.

So in mid-May I started scrambling in order to get my affairs in order prior to my departure. They wanted me to start less than 2 weeks from receipt of my offer, so it was a breakneck effort. On May 27, I boarded a JetBlue flight at IAD and left Virginia for the last time. Five hours later I had landed at McCarran International Airport at my new home.

I spent my first six weeks here living with a couple I had met on Craigslist. For the random nature of such endeavors they turned out to be really nice people and very easy to get along with. Their cats? Not so much.

So soon after we moved into our new apartment, right off Flamingo Road, 1 mi. from UNLV and 2 mi. off the Strip. We've been slowly but surely getting settled in.

My job is sweet - I write direct mail, letters mostly, to customers in our database. So it's fairly good exposure. I'm working with a lot of really knowledgeable people and getting exposed to lots of different aspects of this fascinating business.

The work is intense, but not unmanageable.

After work, we've been able to experience a lot of cool stuff: saw Toni Braxton, Berlin, the Romantics and Tool in concert (not all the same show); saw Elton John and Celine Dion's shows at Caesars, saw a Beatles tribute band, the classic topless revue Donn Arden's Jubilee! (aka Boobilee), and lots more.

Watch this space for an exciting announcement about a new SWINA project, to tie in with my upcoming book.

Everyone's clueless about immigration reform.

As Goose Doggy so helpfully likes to point out, I'm a bleeding heart liberal who wants to confiscate Bibles, burn the American flag, raise taxes, give plasma TVs to unwed mothers, make abortion mandatory, and smear feces on all the doorknobs at Walter Reed.

But I have to admit, on this immigration debate, I find myself more in agreement with wingnut Rep. Tom Tancredo (R-Col.) than with the forces of compromise on the Senate floor. The much-ballyhooed, and eventually scuttled Kennedy-McCain "compromise" bill was completely unfeasible, a feelgood piece of legislation that essentially takes a mulligan on immigration rather than actually doing anything to solve the problem.

The biggest issue I have with the Senate compromise is that it's all carrot and no stick. I'm not opposed to a guest worker program, per se, but you can't make compliance voluntary, because then you still have a massive underground of undocumented immigrants who simply choose not to participate.

And why would they? There's no disincentive for staying off the books. Those immigrants who do not take advantage of earned citizenship are still undocumented, are still here illegally - nothing gets solved at all, other than encouraging more illegal immigration.

Frankly, I don't think that a lot of these immigrants care so much about citizenship, as they do about economic opportunity. They come to America so they can make money and support their families. Not because they crave the protections of the Bill of Rights. (And even if they did, that ten-amendment ship has sailed.)

The Balkanization of America is well underway, and these people aren't assimmilating. They aren't acclimating. They self-segregate and cling to their nation of origin like a security blanket, as evidenced by the paradoxical waving of Mexican and Salvadorean flags at these most recent immigration rallies. Ethnic pride is all well and good, and while a lot of pro-immigration forces counter with arguments about Irish flags getting flown at St. Patrick's Day parades, but the Irish don't walk around speaking Gaelic and expecting the rest of the country to accommodate them. If I moved to Japan, I would learn to speak Japanese. Sure, I'd speak English at home, but I wouldn't go out into the business world and expect the rest of the country to accommodate my ignorance.

Second, this idea that immigrants would have to pay a $2000 fine in order to earn their citizenship. Get real. What planet are these out-of-touch Senators living on? A lot of these people are working for minimum wage and supporting a family of four or more. How do they expect these people to scrape together $2000 for a fine? I have enough trouble saving up $2000 when I'm making five or six times that amount. This is a huge barrier that will put earned citizenship out of reach for the vast majority of people it's designed to help.

Third, the laws of supply and demand have a lot more to do with the current immigration crisis than the immigration laws. As long as big business interests can hire illegals with impunity, they'll keep coming - no matter what bills sit on Capitol Hill. The enforcement and penalties against employers who use illegal labor are ludicrous. Businesses must obey the law, and they should be punished harshly for failing to do so. Immigration isn't just the problem of the government. Big business ultimately is responsible for this mess. They are the ones who need to clean up their act, because until cheap immigrant labor stops being an attractive option, nothing whatsoever is going to change.

So what does comprehensive immigration reform actually need? Allow me to unveil my seven-point plan, guaranteed to offend and infuriate people on every corner of the political spectrum.

• Security. I don't know if building a fence will help, but in a post-911 world it is absolutely inexcusable to have such a porous border. If the guy washing dishes at the Olive Garden can figure out how to sneak into America, you think a terrorist mastermind can't?
  
• Enforcement on the business level. Make it cost prohibitive for employers to use illegal labor and they'll stop. Simple as that.
  
• Deport illegals who break the law. I don't care if it's a reckless driving misdemeanor. If you're here illegally, you deserve no second chances. No illegal immigrant with any criminal record should have any chance at citizenship, earned or otherwise. It's bad enough that the contempt for the law that our wink-wink nudge-nudge immigration policy spawns gangs like MS-13. The last thing we need are ordinariy illegals thinking it's OK to flee the scene of an accident, because that law doesn't need to be obeyed either.
  
• Give undocumented illegals a means towards citizenship, but make the alternative a criminal sanction or deportation. Making felons out of undocumented illegals is a bit draconian, but if citizenship is offered and not taken, they should be sent back to their country of origin. Either you're in or out.
  
• Make English the official language of the United States, and make English proficiency a prerequisite for citizenship.
  
• This "eat your vegetables and do your chores" approach to earned citizenship is, quite frankly, bullshit. Paying taxes and not getting arrested are things that these people need to be doing anyway. Why should we reward them for doing the bare minimum of what society asks of them? You want to talk about "earned citizenship?" Make them actually EARN IT. Institute a community service requirement. Even though pro-immigration forces belabor the point that they don't draw social security, the bottom line is that illegal aliens are a drain on the resources of every community. Make them give something back, locally, so they make a positive impact in their community. And helping some agribiz post record profits does not count as a "positive impact."
  
• Institute compulsory military service for able-bodied men (whether active, reserve, or National Guard). 5% of troops fighting in Iraq now are illegal aliens, and they are proving their devotion to the United States with their blood. If these immigrants want to be a part of this country, let them fight for it. Put up or shut up.

I'm sure that this plan sounds fairly extreme to some people, but it covers all the bases. It ensures enforcement against lawbreaking employers or immigrants. It gives illegals a chance to become citizens in such a way that preserves the cultural fabric of the nation. It actually makes them EARN "earned citizenship" in such a way that benefits the community and the country. It is certainly not the most compassionate option on the table, but it would go a much longer way towards actually controlling illegal immigration than the nasty House bill or the toothless Senate version.

And really, has anyone got a better idea?

Epcot Unveils "OJ Simpson: The Ride!"

Mission: SPACE has now killed as many people as America's favorite hall of fame running back. Thanks, Disney, for such a feat of Imagineering. I wonder if they'll start selling commemorative coffins in the Mission: SPACE gift shop.

I wonder if Michael Eisner will be scouring the golf courses of Florida looking for the "real killer." Oh wait, that's right, he no longer works at Disney. He now has a talk show on CNBC that gets a ZERO rating. Like John McEnroe's. So let's open up the floor for discussion:

Who deserves a talkshow less than John McEnroe or Michael Eisner?

Coming soon to a bookstore near you...

Open Road's Best of Las Vegas

a jay fenster joint.

fall 2006.

The Sopranos returns with a bang!

Goddamn. That hour of television was worth my whole cable bill. And if you don't want Sopranos spoilers, you're on the wrong planet, because the only thing anyone will be talking about next week is Uncle Junior shooting Tony. Sorry if I just ruined it for you. Somebody was going to do it, and probably tomorrow. I don't have a water cooler so I need to get my shots in wherever I can find them.

HBO didn't show a preview for next week, which was kind of disappointing but understandable. They want to get a week's worth of "Is Tony dead?" buzz.

The answer, of course, is no. The buzz generated by the shock value of Tony's shooting would be more than overwhelmed by the dramatic lameness of that as a story arc. Only Christopher or Johnny should get to kill Tony. Nothing else would be "right." Two things about this storyline that amused me - Tony snapping "it's a nursing home!" when Melfi referred to Green Grove as a retirement community, and Junior hiding in the closet afterwards. The fact that they alluded to a Tony heart attack the entire episode, then pulled this out of their asses... that, my friends, is what we call a swerve.

I don't remember Gene at all, but apparently he was made at the same time as Christopher. I thought that he was going to be Vito's pointman as he takes his role as this season's would-be usurper and Tony Soprano nemesis. But they certainly nipped that in the bud. I could relate to his angst over not being able to get the hell out of New Jersey. (Note to my New Jersey readers: I am not referring to my hasty departure from the Garden State, but my many thwarted attempts to escape the Commonwealth of Suck.)

Other thoughts on the episode:

• I have the feeling that the whole Vito-Tony thing will come to a head at Meadow's wedding.
• Lots of stuff in this episode seemed like a "reset" - granted, a LOT of time has passed since the last episode, but it definitely seemed like they were setting out the rules of engagement for this season.
• Poor Artie. Why are you getting back together with Charmaine? Don't do that. I bet he tries to kill himself again by episode 10.
• I wonder how much Nesquik paid to get that lovingly lingering pan on its ad on Bobby's train. And holy crap did he look stupid in that hat.
• Janice is breeding again?!?
• Meadow's milkshake was a quality television moment. For Finn it would almost be worth dealing with her whining if that sort of thing happened on the reg.
• AJ's mullet: WTF?

Can't wait for next week's episode. Only thing I'm upset about is that for some reason FOX doesn't come in on my TV hooked into the non-digital cable, so I couldn't watch the Family Guy and then start the Sopranos at 9:30 like I was planning on it. Good thing for Adult Swim reruns.

In memory of Scott "Tropik" Ricks

Scott Tropik was one of the first people I met when I started hanging out in DC almost a decade ago. I remember our first meeting. It was his 18th birthday, and we were at Twilo, the legendary Manhattan nightclub, to hear Sasha and John Digweed’s monthly set. When I met this larger-than-life long-hair, I made a big deal about wishing him a happy birthday when I found out, and made an even bigger deal of telling him to go fuck himself just after midnight, when it was no longer his birthday.

Probably my fondest memory of Scott Tropik is the night that I joined two other DJs, Xodus and Cyzum (who then called himself Hybrid) to spin records, drink beer, and hang out in Tropik's basement. We ordered pizza at some point in the evening, and when it arrived Tropik went to answer the door. I was a little drunk so I don’t remember exactly what happened next, but what I do know is that words were exchanged, at least one punch was thrown, and no money changed hands. I don’t know if pizza has ever, before or since, tasted so hilarious.

I remember Tropik urging me to "drop my slave name" and start calling myself Fensta X. For a while, I even did. I remember Tropik enthusiastically trying unsuccessfully to get "stone cold lampin'" to gain traction as a catchphrase. To this day I have no idea what the hell he was actually talking about. I remember when I first saw him after he chopped off all his hair. At the time I asked if he was going all establishment on me. I remember the time he dropped a Spice Girls record in the front room at Buzz. Those of us lucky enough to have known Tropik will always remember his humor, his talent, and his spirit. I will never forget his friendship.

Scott "Tropik" Ricks died on Tuesday, February 21, 2006. He was 26 years old.

Did Roy Blunt try to steal the Majority Leader position?

"Vote early, vote often." - Al Capone

From the bomb-throwing liberals at Roll Call:

House Republicans are taking a mulligan on the first ballot for Majority Leader. The first count showed more votes cast than Republicans present at the Conference meeting.

Oopsie.

How does something like that happen? Seriously. I know Republicans suffer amnesia every time a grand jury or Congressional oversight is involved, but is this really something that can be shrugged offf as an honest mistake? Are people really going to forget that they already voted? Ockham's Razor states that the simplest explanation is usually the correct one.

Q. Why would there be more ballots cast in an election than people to cast them?
A. Somebody's cheating!

Could it be that Abramoff-tainted Tom Delay protege Roy Blunt was rigging the vote?

Prior to the GOP leadership elections, Blunt proclaimed that he had the support of 117 Congressmen - the majority he would need to win the post. After they realized the ballot box had been stuffed, they redid the first round. Blunt had 110 votes. John Boehner had 79, John Shadegg had 40, and Jim Ryun had 2. Shadegg and Ryan dropped out and were eliminated, respectively. In the second round, Blunt's support dropped to 109 votes. Boehner won with 122.

Who would have the motivation to stuff the ballot box? Well, let's look at it rationally for a second. If you think you've got 80 votes, you'd need an awful lot of fake votes to get to 117. If you know you've got 110 votes - it'd be much easier to slip an extra handful in there.

Put another way: in 2000, it wasn't Ralph Nader trying to nibble around the margins of the Florida vote. It was the guy who knew he would lose any statewide recount. It doesn't make sense to game the system if you're already winning, or if you're getting blown out of the water. It only makes sense to cheat when it means the difference between victory and defeat. And which of the candidates was on the cusp?

Roy Fucking Blunt and his eyebrows of doom. Seriously. If there's a War on Terror, how come those horrifying face wraiths are still allowed in public? It's like an Edvard Munch painting threw up on the guy's forehead.

And just in case you think I'm implying that Boehner - legendary for handing out tobacco lobbyist checks on the House floor - is any kind of hope for reform or clean government - just Google K Street Cabinet.

Meet the new boss. Same as the old boss. At least this way we get to make 2 years worth of erect penis jokes at the Majority Leader's expense.

Hehehe. Boehner.

The state of our union is fucked.

Fenster and Liebs live-blog the State of the Union Address...

[21:03] fenster: joe lieberman and sam alito have the two most smug grins of the evening thus far

[21:03] fenster: you're not missing much.

[21:03] liebs: 16.1 seconds left, 62-62, Tech ball

[21:03] fenster: it's kind of like the banter that goes on on talk shows underneath the theme music into and out of commercial stopsets.

[21:04] fenster: i bet alito's not wearing any pants under the robe.

[21:04] liebs: NOOOOOOO!!!!!!!

[21:04] fenster: what are they gonna do - fire him?

[21:04] liebs: they take Tech's tip-in away, call a foul, VPI shoots 2 free throws for the game with 0.5 seconds left

[21:04] liebs: motherfucker

[21:05] fenster: so it'll set the perfect mood for you to watch the agenda for the next year worth of american decay.

[21:05] liebs: good thing I don't own a gun

[21:05] liebs: fuck

[21:05] fenster: what kind of georgian are you, leibs?

[21:05] fenster: what would jesus do?

[21:05] fenster: he would own at least three guns!

[21:05] liebs: I've been sports blue balled

[21:06] fenster: your years as a ranger fan should have prepared you for that.



[21:06] liebs: bleh

[21:06] fenster: sam alito's bald spot looks like the number 9.

[21:07] liebs: dammit, 63-62, that's 6 losses in a row

[21:07] liebs: what channel are we watching this on?

[21:07] fenster: your years as a redskins fan should have prepared you for that.

[21:07] fenster: msnbc.

[21:07] liebs: because I'm not depressed enough already

[21:08] fenster: here come da bush.

[21:08] fenster: are people booing?

[21:08] liebs: bouche

[21:08] liebs: rhymes with douche

[21:08] fenster: that's incredibly ironic.

[21:09] fenster: bill frist looks like he's about to shit his pants just about every time he's in front of a camera

[21:09] liebs: "hey Tiny. Sweet Tits. Shooter. Cha Cha, how ya doin!"

[21:09] fenster: which one is sweet tits?

[21:09] liebs: your guess is as good as mine

[21:09] fenster: i wonder if he calls the house minority leader nanny-poo.

[21:10] fenster: "hey, token! nice robe!"

[21:10] liebs: I wonder how often Laura stands between two black people

[21:10] liebs: hell, 2 non-Christian white people

[21:10] liebs: non-Christian, non-white people

[21:10] fenster: probably only in her wank fantasies. HEYOOOOO!

[21:10] liebs: because I'm not nauseated enough from the basketball, obrigado

[21:10] fenster: she dreams of being the cream in a michael steele-clarence thomas oreo.

[21:11] fenster: oooh, poor taste.

[21:11] liebs: where's that rogue Japan Airlines flight when you need it?

[21:11] fenster: my god dennis hastert is fat.

[21:11] fenster: be careful, you'll get both of us on the watchlist

[21:11] fenster: i'm a travel writer. i need to be able to get on planes

[21:12] liebs: I only read Debt of Honor, I didn't write it

[21:12] fenster: bush sounds a bit slurry

[21:12] fenster: i wonder if he needed a nip or two to get through this thing

[21:13] liebs: it's tough to force out nice words about Coretta King

[21:13] liebs: for him

[21:13] fenster: yikes, hearing him pronounce "rostrum" was hard.

[21:13] liebs: think he has any idea what "rostrum" means?

[21:13] fenster: i wouldn't guess he cares

[21:13] fenster: scolding the democrats already.

[21:14] fenster: the state of our union is always strong. someone buy the man a thesaurus.

[21:14] fenster: of course, bible beaters like bush believe that the thesaurus is a tool of satan to disprove the events of the book of genesis.

[21:15] liebs: that doesn't make any fucking sense

[21:15] fenster: september 11!

[21:15] liebs: 9/11

[21:15] fenster: everybody drink!

[21:15] liebs: drink!!!

[21:15] fenster: terrists.

[21:16] fenster: weapons of mass destruction!

[21:16] fenster: this all sounds very familiar

[21:16] fenster: act boldly in freedom's cause ... except when it's the freedom to elect hamas

[21:16] liebs: McCain's thinking, "what a douche"

[21:16] fenster: 3/4 of the room is.

[21:17] liebs: purple ink this, asshat

[21:17] fenster: wow, the axis of evil got a few pledges huh?

[21:17] fenster: i'm surprised venezuela was off the list.

[21:17] liebs: they had hot rush workers

[21:18] fenster: did he say "vin laden?"

[21:18] liebs: just like radical Christianism!

[21:18] fenster: he's the arab vin diesel!

[21:18] liebs: weapons of mass murder?

[21:18] fenster: the terrorists have chosen the weapon of fear.

[21:18] fenster: if all they have is the weapon of fear, bush should be able to cast a magic missile or something

[21:19] fenster: he sounds testy already

[21:19] liebs: "we love our freedom" to drive 5 mpg Fuck-You-Mobile SUVs

[21:20] fenster: "we no longer believe in our own ideals" - nice of you to notice, abu george.

[21:20] fenster: aw, come on. can we surrender to evil?

[21:20] fenster: the democrats do it almost every day.

[21:20] liebs: isn't that what his daughters do every Saturday in Adams-Morgan?

[21:20] fenster: no, i believe that's called "catching chlamydia."

[21:21] fenster: we have a clear plan to victory!

[21:21] fenster: i'm so glad to hear taht

[21:21] fenster: this is all the exact same shit nobody bought the last 8000 times he said it.

[21:21] liebs: anything specific yet? no?

[21:22] fenster: he's hitting all his catchphrases,

[21:22] fenster: it's like watching steve austin do a promo

[21:22] fenster: predictable and half drunk

[21:22] liebs: is shoving maglites up dudes' assholes brutal?

[21:22] fenster: it depends on the lube.

[21:23] fenster: KY? good. WD40? not as good as you'd think. chunky peanut butter? nuh huh.

[21:23] liebs: riiiiiiiiight

[21:23] fenster: one of those navy chicks clapping uncomfortably looks like christopher walken.

[21:23] liebs: not by politicians in Washington, DC - I'll believe that when I see it

[21:23] fenster: he really sounds like he's tripping over his tongue

[21:24] fenster: it's amazing if you compare video of him speaking now with video of him speaking in 1998 or so

[21:24] fenster: something's obviously different

[21:24] liebs: bourbon's a mean wine

[21:24] liebs: did he just say "hindsightism"?

[21:24] fenster: a duty to speak with candor?

[21:24] fenster: i bet he doesn't know "candor" any better than he does "rostrum"

[21:25] fenster: we should have kept a list of words bush used in the speech that he likely didn't know the meaning of

[21:25] fenster: did i see elton john in the gallery?

[21:25] fenster: whoever it is looks emaciated.

[21:25] fenster: maybe elton got the aids as a wedding present

[21:26] liebs: using a dead marine, classy

[21:26] fenster: how dare you denigrate the sacrifice of the military

[21:26] liebs: "Congratulations, your son is dead!!!!"

[21:27] fenster: go join the national guard, you hippie scum.

[21:27] fenster: that looks like donna from that 70s show.

[21:27] fenster: hey dead marine, your sister's pretty hot.

[21:27] fenster: at least i hope it's his sister and not his wife

[21:27] liebs: you're being used, ginger

[21:27] fenster: because this would be an awkward moment otherwise

[21:28] fenster: this is all the same shit all over again

[21:28] fenster: jesus christ

[21:28] fenster: get some new material

[21:28] liebs: elections that elect Hamas, dummy?!!!

[21:28] fenster: did he say strong cannibal institiutions?

[21:29] liebs: is he serious about the Egyptian elections?

[21:29] fenster: nobody watches the fact check afterwards.

[21:29] fenster: saudi arabian reform!

[21:29] fenster: riiiiiight

[21:30] fenster: his description of iraq again sounds like the religious right

[21:30] fenster: this is useless saber rattling. iran doesn

[21:30] fenster: 't care how loud and peevish bush gets

[21:30] fenster: dude i think his eyes just went cross for a minute

[21:31] fenster: rumsfeld looks vicious

[21:31] fenster: like he just ate a baby covered in lemon pulp

[21:31] fenster: spreading hope in hopeless lands

[21:31] fenster: i wonder if he'll mention new orleans?

[21:32] fenster: villerger?

[21:32] liebs: but not for a knocked-up American chick!

[21:32] fenster: the jug trade?

[21:32] fenster: he's drunk.

[21:32] fenster: that's a freudian slip if ever there was

[21:34] fenster: would it be racist for me to say that alberto gonzales looks like a shifty little bastard?

[21:34] liebs: September the 11th!!!

[21:34] fenster: or would i have to add a few adjectives, like refrito-smeared?

[21:34] fenster: shit. drink!

[21:34] liebs: "we did not know of their plans" - YES YOU DID, DUMMY!!!!

[21:35] liebs: not true

[21:35] fenster: he's pulling this out of his ass

[21:35] fenster: this whole thing is a pack of lies

[21:35] fenster: hillary has a new and improved joker products grin

[21:35] fenster: and bush looks like he's about to deliver a suckerpunch

[21:36] liebs: tera networks?

[21:36] fenster: the pursed lips and droopy eyes

[21:36] liebs: "when freedom is on the march" - do you think he realizes the paradox there?

[21:37] fenster: of course not

[21:37] fenster: i don't think he knows the meaning of the word paradox either.

[21:38] liebs: that's because Japan and the EU are in severe recession, dumbass

[21:39] liebs: "I need my gardeners on the ranch in Crawford, people!"

[21:40] fenster: i feel another round of explosive diarrhea coming on.

[21:40] fenster: give rich people more tax cuts!

[21:40] fenster: and the republicans go crazy

[21:40] liebs: "I urge the Congree to act responsibly" and put us even further in debt to the Chinese

[21:41] fenster: i thought congress spending was out of control? which is it?

[21:41] fenster: "cut the deficit in half by 2009"

[21:41] fenster: Liar!

[21:42] fenster: wow, mccain nearly had a stroke clapping for the earmark reform

[21:43] fenster: hillary looks really uncomfortable. i wonder if her disgust is real or if she spent an hour in front of the mirror practicing it

[21:43] fenster: a moment of levity for the democrats.

[21:44] liebs: let's create a commission to examine!!!!

[21:44] liebs: because we need more bureaucracy, that always solves problems

[21:44] fenster: so we can ignore its recommendations and do whatever we wanted to in the first place!

[21:44] liebs: we still make and grow stuff?

[21:46] liebs: uh oh, Boosh don't like the Democrats taking the piss

[21:47] fenster: health savings accounts, another lovely crock o' merde.

[21:47] fenster: i wonder how long it'll take to blow this one out of the water

[21:47] liebs: Wall Street loves it, it must be good!

[21:47] fenster: there's no way any of that's moving forward

[21:48] liebs: tort reform has NOTHING to do with doctors' insurance rates

[21:48] fenster: nope.

[21:48] fenster: just another giveaway to the insurance companies

[21:48] liebs: they've spent 10 billion, a fraction of what we need

[21:48] liebs: 22% more is STILL NOT ENOUGH

[21:48] fenster: he said nukeular. drirnk

[21:49] liebs: funding for hybrid cars, only 6 years too late

[21:49] fenster: yeah, too bad nobody will be left at ford or gm to build them

[21:50] liebs: by 2025, there won't be any OIL LEFT

[21:50] fenster: by 2030 we all better have mr. fusion on our delorean

[21:50] liebs: 1.21 JIGGAWATTS!!!!

[21:51] fenster: give our children a firm grounding in math and science.

[21:51] fenster: what would jesus engineer?

[21:51] liebs: that girl's thinking, "shit, I've got to take more math and science now?"

[21:51] fenster: you hear that science man? bush give you money!

[21:51] liebs: nano nano

[21:52] liebs: you know where that nanotechnology money goes to? Defense projects

[21:52] fenster: of cours.e

[21:52] liebs: "Center for Soldier Nanotechnologies"

[21:52] liebs: stain resistant uniforms, hooray!!!

[21:53] liebs: sorry Dubya, research universities prefer foreign students whose governments pay for their tuition

[21:54] liebs: thank you, Trojan Man

[21:54] fenster: now he pays the piper

[21:54] fenster: red meat for the mouth breathers

[21:54] fenster: abstinence is for fuckers.

[21:54] fenster: i think i'm going to make that a t-shirt.

[21:55] liebs: does he realize all these societal improvements are due to Clinton initiatives that Bush just ignored since 2000?

[21:55] fenster: well, it stands to reason

[21:55] fenster: that if everything wrong in bush's term is clinton's fault

[21:55] fenster: everything clinton did right, bush gets the credit for

[21:55] fenster: dipso, facto.

[21:56] liebs: Chief Justice John Roberts - bleh

[21:56] liebs: I miss Thurgood Marshall

[21:56] liebs: "legislate from the bench" - you fucktard

[21:57] fenster: roberts at least looks like the kind of guy who'll look you in the eye as he slides in the knife.

[21:57] liebs: and by knife you mean cock into other gay man's anus?

[21:57] fenster: human-animal hybrids? WTF?!

[21:58] fenster: i'm glad to see bush addressing the big issues of the day

[21:59] fenster: my tivo wants to change this and put on invader zim.

[21:59] fenster: i figure, what's the difference?

[21:59] liebs: at 9 my tivo wanted to change to Chappelle's Show

[22:00] fenster: more opportunities that the people most affected by katrina won't be able to get within a mile of

[22:01] fenster: i thought for a second there he was going to say that half of all AIDS cases were caused by HIV

[22:01] liebs: ah, faith-based groups, awesome

[22:01] liebs: which faith, you think?

[22:01] fenster: isn't turning the department of defense into a faith-based initiative enough?

[22:02] fenster: we sounds like he's on the home stretch

[22:03] fenster: he definitely sounds a bit castrated since last year

[22:03] fenster: and why aren't we going to mars anymore?

[22:03] liebs: bleh

Al Gore vs. Abu Gonzales

This Gore-Gonzales feud is getting interesting. Republicans somehow think that by keeping Gore in the spotlight it helps their cause. Like Gore elicits the same revulsion that enables them to demonize MoveOn.org and Michael Moore. When in reality, every time he pops up more than half of America sighs heavily under the weight of a pile of buyer's remorse.

As much as they try to paint Al Gore as an unhinged, out of touch, and crazy, the man speaks the truth. Just like they continue to insist that opposition to the Iraq war is the realm of the far left fringe even though only 34% of Americans approve of Bush's handling. While the most vocal and strident opposition has often come from liberal Democrats, the vaunted great American middle has for the most part cringed silently as Bush's lofty nation-building goals crumble one by one.

The Bush strategerists think that they can get away with the same tactic here and stifle dissent by marginalizing the opposition. But this is not a partisan issue, and not only are the American people overwhelmingly opposed to warrantless wiretaps (and with only a bare majority supporting them at all, which is kind of surprising and calls into question the general level of trust the American public has for the Bush administration), but some of the Administration's most vocal critics on this issue have been its biggest supporters - like former uber-conservative Rep. Bob Barr (R-Ga.), who introduced Gore's speech; "drown the government in the bathtub" archconservative Grover Norquist, and crusty limey drunk and relentless Iraq cheerleader Christopher Hitchens (a plaintiff in the ACLU's lawsuit over the wiretaps). There is simply no way for a Republican to disavow Grover Norquist without his head exploding.

In his Monday speech, Gore laid out in stark terms what is at stake in the NSA scandal. The GOP is running scared because they know that if the debate gets framed on Gore's simple, clear-as-day terms instead of on their panicky, fearmongering arguments, there is no way they can win. McClellan responds with a desperate and nasty bluff:

"If Al Gore is going to be the voice of the Democrats on national security matters, we welcome it ... his hypocrisy knows no bounds."

So then they trot out Gonzales to insist that "Clinton did it too," the Bush apologists' answer to everything (that is, everything they don't answer by invoking 9/11). Too bad it's totally false. Gore responds, and the AP confirms:

Both before and after the Foreign Intelligence Surveillance Act was amended in 1995, the Clinton/Gore Administration complied fully and completely with the terms of the law.

Gore then adds:

[T]he Attorney General's attempt to cite a previous administration's activity as precedent for theirs - even though factually wrong - ironically demonstrates another reason why we must be so vigilant about their brazen disregard for the law. If unchecked, their behavior would serve as a precedent to encourage future presidents to claim these same powers, which many legal experts in both parties believe are clearly illegal.

The Bush administration has absolutely no answer for why it used illegal channels to do something that would have been easily achievable within the limits of the law. So for as often as the GOP likes to consider itself victimized by "the politics of personal destruction" or "blind hatred" on the left, how about responding to the specifics of the case rather than by simply smearing those who expose them?

The more energy Bush and his surrogates expend on discrediting Al Gore, the longer they keep this story atop the news - and the worse it looks for them. Alberto Gonzales can get as snitty, feral and defensive as he wants, it doesn't change or even conceal the fact that he has no satisfactory explanation for this. Gore has nothing to lose by continuing to hammer away. Gonzales and the rest of the Bushies simply dig the hole deeper with each passing day.

So if Karl Rove really wants to step to Gore - I have but three very familiar words for him:

Bring 'em on.

Democratic buckshot is a missed shot at NSAlito

So I have to say I've been fairly disappointed with the performance of Senate Democrats last week during Samuel Alito's SCOTUS confirmation hearings. With a little coordination and planning, they could have mounted a successful opposition of Alito that would have made obvious the necessity of the filibuster. But disorganization, poor message discipline, and ego rendered the Democrats' scattershot attacks ineffective and left the path clear for Alito's confirmation.

The Democrats should have made a single, simple plan of attack: make Alito the face of the NSA spy scandal. Make him own it, make him embrace it. "Sam Alito thinks it's OK for George Bush to read your email and listen to your phone calls without a warrant." That should have been the narrative. That should have been the talking point, again and again, all week long.

It wouldn't be a hard point to make, seeing as how Alito's fingerprints are all over the theory of the unitary executive - which Al Gore "more accurately described as the unilateral executive." The Democrats should have repeatedly drawn, bolded, and underlined that ipso, ergo arrow between Bush's extralegal domestic surveillance and Alito's work on the unitary executive idea, a theory that conflates the implied powers clause of the constitution to mean supremacy of the President over Congress and the judiciary.

Democrats missed a golden opportunity. According to an AP-Ipsos poll, the majority of Americans oppose warrantless surveillance, even though many - myself included - are in favor of wiretaps of terror suspects conducted within the law. (The earlier Rasmussen poll cited by Michelle Malkin, RedState, et. al. as evidence for American support for NSA surveillance does not take into account the warrantless nature of the program.)

And unlike the Valerie Plame or Jack Abramoff cases, Americans are paying "very close" attention to this story - 68% according to Rasmussen. While you would never know it from the mainstream media or from the Democratic leadership, there is much more popular support for Bush's impeachment than there ever was for Clinton's. According to a Zogby poll released on 14 January, 52% of Americans support impeachment because of the NSA program. Only 36% supported Clinton's. So the American people understand the gravity of the situation, and the percentage favoring impeachment is greater than the percentage of the popular vote Bush received in either 2000 or 2004. Why did the Democrats miss this golden opportunity?

For a variety of different reasons. First, a failure to understand and explain the big picture to the American people. Sen. Chuck Schumer (D-NY) kept harping on Alito's refusal to recuse himself from cases involving Vanguard, the company holding his mutual funds, without ever explaining why that was relevant. It's relevant because it displays his willingness to say anything to get a job. Alito all but admitted as much responding to inquiries as to his boasts of Concerned Alumni of Princeton membership in 1985 and anti-abortion and anti-equality statments made when he was trying to get into Reagan's Justice Department. Alito, man of integrity, said "It was different then. I was an advocate seeking a job. It was a political job."

Sen. Ted Kennedy (D-Mass.) missed this relevance entirely, preferring instead to up the ante by trying to use CAP to paint Alito, personally, as a racist and sexist - allegations that fizzled out upon the release of the organization's records. This is symptomatic of the whole way politics go down in DC nowadays. Substantive policy debate has taken a backseat to "gotcha" moments - and the Democrats were obviously looking for one great big "GOTCHA" that they could use to derail Alito's nomination, instead of using the obvious opportunity presented to them. Finally, ego hampered the Democrats' approach - particularly presumptive 2008 hopeful Joe Biden (D-Del.), who mugged for the camera, bloviating endlessly and chewing scenery like a goat with the munchies. Sen. Biden needs to shut the fuck up and find a nice little concession speech to plagiarize, because he'll be the President the day I become the Secretary of Defense.

Another area where the Democrats shot themselves in the foot with Alito was abortion. Yes, Alito is overtly hostile to Roe vs. Wade. Yes, that's obviously why the rank-and-file religious right cares about him. But that's not why he was nominated, and it's incredibly short-sighted to make abortion the be-all, end-all of the American judicial system. Abortion is, if you'll forgive the pun, a short-term issue. It is an issue that divides Americans. Democrats won't change Alito supporters' minds by pointing out, egads, he's pro-life! No shit Sherlock, that's his appeal. But painting Alito as someone who will allow the destruction of American democracy makes stopping him imperative for anyone who cares more about whether they live under a dictatorship than whether someone they don't know makes a personal decision that has nothing to do with them.

The NSA scandal lapped in the Democrats' laps as a godsend, a bolt from the heavens with Sam Alito's pasty puckered ass written all over it. And they dropped the ball. This doesn't inspire a lot of hope for them making hay of the Jack Abramoff scandal either. Democratic lack of focus and message discipline keeps biting them in the ass, and Harry Reid needs to lay the smack down on his troops unless he wants the Democrats to fade into irrelevance entirely.

2005: The World in Review - Part 3 of 3, Finally!

Thanks for your patience, I know it's taken us a long time to get the last four months of 2005 written up. I hope we haven't missed our opportunity. That the attention span of the Internet is not so short that 2005 is forgotten already. It is? Oh well. Read it anyway.

And for those of you who haven't yet taken a look at the first eight months of the year, read them here: January-April | May-August

September:

When we last left the World in Review, George W. Bush was eating birthday cake and proving that he's actually a worse guitarist than president. Which is remarkably good timing, because nothing much was happening? Meanwhile, on planet earth, New Orleans swam in its own shit. Michael Brown asked for another bowl of zuppa toscana at the Olive Garden, while thousands of New Orleans residents cowered in fear at the Convention Center. Somehow FEMA claimed it didn't know people were there, in spite of it being on MSNBC, CNN, FOX, ABC, CBS, NBC, BET, MTV, Nicktoons, E!, and inDEMAND. Bush returns from his vacation (after a detour to San Diego to sell his Iraq war nu making more false WWII comparisons, and one last night in his bed in Crawford), deigning to peer down at the destruction from Air Force One (actual quote: "It's totally wiped out. ... It's devastating, it's got to be doubly devastating on the ground."), and then lands and promptly assures rich white guy Trent Lott that he's going to rebuild his lovely oceanfront home and enjoy a mint julep on the porch, lawdy lawdy! Kanye West blasts Bush on national television, saying that he "doesn't care about black people," leading Mike Myers to shit his pants. Finally, in the face of overwhelming public pressure, actually had an accountability moment and relieves Brownie of his job - in spite of him doing a heck of it. Saddam Hussein gets an Oct. 19 date for his trial in the case of the 1982 deaths of 150 Iraqis. 150 more Iraqis are killed and 500 injured on the 14th in a series of coordinated bombings. Is this getting redundant yet? Messy freedom spreads across the Middle East, as Hosni Mubarak takes 88.5% of the vote in a fraud-marred vote in Egypt. 11,000 American and Iraqi soldiers storm Tal Afar, temporarily driving the insurgents out just in time to commemmorate the 4th anniversary of a terrorist act they had nothing to do with. Meanwhile, six-way talks with Kim Jong Il's crazy ass resume, and China actually brokers a deal of sorts. Well, I'll be a plate of kim chee. Afghanistan holds its first elections, with 5,800 candidates. Turnout is low, unless you compare it to a US midterm election. Elsewhere, Angela Merkel wins a plurality in Germany to become the country's next Prime Minister. The War on Terror achieves its first victory, as the IRA's disarmament is verified by Canadian generals, eh? William Rehnquist dies, prompting "oh shit" cringes from every American to the left of Genghis Khan, shivering at the prospect of Bush's next nominee. Bush promotes John Roberts to Chief Justice before his confirmation hearings even begin. The California state legislature legalizes gay marriage. Hurricane Rita looks like it's going to eat Houston, but weakens - after the city's clusterfuck evacuation plan becalms motorists on the interstates for hours. A bus full of evacuating senior citizens explodes. Cool. The SEC announces that it is investigating Bill Frist's sale of stock in HCA, the company his father founded and on whose board his brother sits. Right after he sold his shares, the bottom fell out. What fortuitous timing! Then-House Majority Leader Tom Delay is indicted for money laundering, in a massive left-wing conspiracy between the Democrats, the District Attorney, eight grand juries, three french hens, two turtle doves, and 99 bottles of beer on the wall. a JetBlue airliner miraculously lands at LAX after its landing gear turn 90 degrees to the wrong on takeoff. 49 American soldiers die in Iraq.

October:

Suicide bombers kill 22 in Bali. Mohamed ElBaradei and the International Atomic Energy Agency win the Nobel Peace Prize, which would have made the entire right wing shit its Tough Guy Pants if any of them gave a rat's ass about peace. Shiites and Kurds in Iraq play calvinball with the rules of the constitutional referendum to minimize Sunni chances to derail the process. The constitution passes with 79% support nationwide, but fails by similar margins in Sunni-dominated areas - which is certainly not a recipe for civil war. Mother Earth continues her War On, err, Earth, with a 7.6 magnitude earthquake in Pakistan, killing 54,000 and leaving millions homeless. Imagine the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina, only colder, and a different shade of brown. Judith Miller leaves the Alexandria Detention Center after agreeing to testify in the Valerie Plame investigation. Ironically enough, the prison where Miller spent 85 nights and weird mornings getting nightstick-raped by a Claire Howell wannabe, is right down the block from the AMC Hoffman Center 22, where I saw Fahrenheit 911. Speaking of polarizing bearded anti-Bush types, Saddam Hussein's trial begins and makes OJ Simpson look as dignified as Robert Blake. It'll probably end up about the same too, except that OJ Simpson didn't return to prominence as the mayor of Brentwood. I've said it before and I'll say it again - Saddam Hussein is the Marion Barry of the Middle East. Sure, he smokes crack with hookers. DC has a different standard! DC loves it some Marion Barry. So when he was caught with cocaine in his system earlier this month, the reaction was a collective shrug. So when Saddam Hussein is nibbling on a pile of MREs hastily left in his palaces by Tehran-bound GIs, remember where you heard it first! To the orgiastic delight of mean-spirited right-wingers everywhere, Paris bursts into flames as Muslim and African suburbs of Paris burst into riots. Meanwhile, Tom Delay is indicted again. The gin blossoms on his nose flare angrily as he proclaims his innocence on FOX News, and then poses